swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
