Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
