I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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