This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
