He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
