also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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