I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
