Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
