I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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