some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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