This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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