I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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