So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
