i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Randomize
