the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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