how can u be prego again
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
