Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I had to cum in my sink.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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