I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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