i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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