OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
