i just had sex bonerless
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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