i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
