we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
