This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
