And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
