She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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