yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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