You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
