Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
