She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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