I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
