Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
