Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
