He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
