Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
it's like iHOP with fire
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The air was thick with penises
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
