But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
