Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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