the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
