chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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