Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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