whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
