Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
