so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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