you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
