We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
