Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
