Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
