Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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