But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
