So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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