just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
