I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize