so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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