I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
