i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
