Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I smell like Dick and happiness
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
