Ambien. No doubt about it.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
