By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
