11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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