Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Randomize
