I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
