i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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