I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
