Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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