My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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