Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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