I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
