I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
