halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
