2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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