Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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