you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
