I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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