I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
