You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
